Well, I’m planning our last first birthday. I’m putting all my effort in to this one, crafting decorations, making fun treats…the ideas are pouring out. Trying as much as possible to keep the budget small as the summer is a hard time for money with us. But it’s gonna be the best.
I’ve already had several crying fits over this event, turning one. My last baby is no longer a baby. I’ve missed the last 7 months of his life working at a job that doesn’t fill my heart with joy. That’s a hard pill to swallow. I mean, I get my 2 hours a night with him, but that’s just not enough. I miss him. I wanna be at the beach with him today, playing in the sand, watching him discover the feel of the sand in his toes, the cool breeze on his face, the splash of the water…that’s where I should be. I shouldn’t be working to barely cover the cost of day care and that’s it…that’s all I get…work to cover him being in day care. It’s ridiculous. It kills my heart.
I’m trying to make more, but I lack talent and marketable skills, unless being a bitch is a marketable skill? I’ve got that mastered.
I’m just so tired of the struggle. I want to see my last baby grow. Not be here, behind 4 walls with no windows, no hope, no advancement (I’m now up to 14 rejections!!).
I’m so sad.