I just took a personality test on Facebook. The outcome? Anxiety: 100%. Now if that just doesn’t say it all!
My brain is on overload. I can’t focus. I fidget a lot. I’m on my phone constantly to distract me. I focus a lot on the negative of everything. My chest hurts constantly and I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s heavy, crushing.
7, almost 8 months postpartum, it’s supposed to be getting better. I should be feeling normal again. I just don’t see that happening. I feel like there’s no end to all this overwhelming emotion.
I hate my job, I want to be home with my son. I hate sending him to day care. That gives me anxiety. I have a lot of resentment towards those who get to work from home or who’s husband’s make enough for them to stay home. I have applied to at least 40 jobs since he’s been born and no luck! That gives me anxiety. We can’t afford $1200 a month for day care starting in June (2 kids full time). That gives me anxiety.
I have sole responsibility of carrying insurance for our family and we’re now court ordered to cover my step-son and my husband’s job offers NO insurance. That gives me anxiety. His ex having access to my health insurance information gives me anxiety. She will try to access my family’s personal health information.
Not having enough money for bills, groceries, essentials gives me anxiety. The cost of day care kills me. $800 a month for 1 full time and 1 part time. And guess what?! Programs for assistance only count your gross income. They don’t take your net income in to consideration, nor your house payment or gas bill or electric bill or day care bill. Which is complete bullshit to me.
I take on the burden silently in my own head and pray I make it pay check to paycheck.
No one would understand anyway.