I’ve been MIA for a while…I’ve been trying to get through the holidays and just figure out my head. 

The thing with postpartum depression/anxiety is you have good days and you have bad days. Sometimes you have a few good days and you think am I finally feeling “normal” again, then BAM! A bad day comes and you feel like it’s never going to end. 

You would think, or people say, it gets “easier” to drop your son off at day care, especially after being back for 4 months. But it’s not, every day gets harder. Maybe because I’m older and I realize the precious value of time and what I’m missing every day. Maybe it’s because my hormones aren’t settled back in. Maybe his life has changed and impacted mine in some way that I’ll never understand. But whatever it is, it hurts to be away from him and it’s not getting better. 

Things that never worried me or bothered me before, now do. I’m more cautious with him, but in the same manner I’m more relaxed. It’s hard to explain…it’s hard to understand. 

I am doing my best to come up with a plan, find a way to be home more. I’m motivated and determined to get out of this rut. I know there is something out there for me! 

Just keep swimming…

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