Just when you think you’re on the road to “recovery”, BAM, you fall apart.
Life just likes to let you know that you have no control. My tears are back, almost daily. I feel more anxious than ever.
One of the guys I work with came in today, he’s been out for 2 weeks for the birth of his child. I was asking how it went, how everything was, etc. He said his wife is finally back to normal, with a sound of relief in his voice. I said oh wow, that’s awesome, back to normal after two weeks is great. I said I still cry all the time! He’s like why? Well, postpartum shit, I still don’t feel normal and it’s been 6 months. I mean good for her feeling normal just 2 weeks later. Oh how envious I am. But then, on the flip side, he sounded so relieved she was feeling normal…what if she’s not? What if she feels as crazy as I do, but she’s pretending because she knows she needs to. I mean, pure speculation. But our conversation said he didn’t quite get it. Like it can take a year, an entire fucking year, to feel normal…apparently that’s going to be me.
I’m sure my husband is over it, but he’s still supportive of my crazy. He knows sometimes I really don’t know why I’m crying. He’s resigned to the fact I hate working and is now trying to help me find a job from home. He prays I have enough sense to not walk out when I’m having a bad day. He hopes that I don’t let my emotions take over from logic. And he’s lucky I usually take 5 to text him when I’m losing my grip…that gives him time to talk me down.
I hope, wish and pray for other ladies to have a supportive partner in this craziness. If you’re afraid to talk about it, don’t be. Maybe they’ll be more understanding than you think!!! You need support!!