We’ve had a few last firsts….our last first smile, our last first laugh, our last first time rolling over, our last first bite of food, our last first night of sleeping through the night and the list goes on.

Yesterday was our last first Halloween. iI was in a fit of anxiety all day. He had his Halloween outfit for day care and his costume, but I had forgotten to buy him jammies. How the hell can we survive our last first Halloween without jammies? The extreme panic set in about 8am. How am I supposed to work all day, get him jammies and be home to get big brother off the bus? Then I started trying to talk myself out of it, he doesn’t really need jammies, he is going to wear them once. But crazy always wins. I stopped at Target on my way home, the spot where the Halloween jammies sat is empty. Tears well in my eyes. The guilt sets in. I have failed as a mother. He has no Halloween jammies. I scour the store and find one last pair in his size hidden in the Halloween section. 

I get home, take a few more photos in his day care outfit. Did I get enough? I changed him into his jammies and out the door we go to Grandma’s. Halloween costume is on, more pictures. Did I get enough? No, I didn’t get any with his pumpkin…. more guilt. 

Home again, pictures in his jammies. Did I get enough? Nope, forgot to catch one of him sleeping. More guilt. 

I explain my meltdown to my husband over the jammies. He says he would’ve been fine. Maybe, probably. Then he says to little man “Mommy is going to make sure you have everything, you’re going to be so spoiled”. He didn’t judge, he doesn’t maybe understand 100%, but I got support. That’s important. 

I survived my last first Halloween. Better get those Christmas jammies on order. 

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