I get asked a hundred times a day, “what’s wrong?”. Do you know how hard it is to explain what’s wrong? It’s like trying to smell the color nine.

I mean, nothing’s wrong, yet nothing feels right. To try and wrap my head around it and narrow down to 1 specific thing that’s wrong is impossible.

What’s wrong? I don’t want to work. I don’t want to miss out on my baby’s life. I don’t want him to be grown and regret not being there. But financially that’s not an option. The stress and anxiety over the cost of day care and making ends meet, does not feel like it’s worth my time being away from my baby.

What’s wrong? The house is a mess, not dirty, just messy…clutter. Clean laundry not put away, baby toys lying about. I have no ambition to do anything about it, but the clutter makes my anxiety worse. But I can’t ask for help.

What’s wrong? I’m tired. Physically and emotionally. I’m tired from lack of sleep, I’m a walking mombie. I’m tired of being so sad all the time. I’m tired of being asked what’s wrong.

What’s wrong? Judgmental, negative people. People who try to put you down. People who tell you everything you do is wrong. They must be right so you replay everything they say over and over in your head.

What’s wrong? You really wanna buy a new fucking pair of shoes, but after bills and day care you legit have $100 for two weeks for gas, groceries, diapers and formula….like you can’t even pull a dollar’s worth of change out of your wallet for vending machine food.

What’s wrong? Your weight. You have no time to work out like before. Any “free” time is spent soaking up snuggles. And honestly you’re not “happy” enough to work out. But gaining weight just adds to the sadness.

What’s wrong? Everything. Nothing.


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