At this stage in the game friendships are pretty much non-existent. I mean honestly, would you want to be friends with you?!
Your friendships kind of fall in to categories at this point. I’ll explain…
The understanding friend. The friend who says they understand, but they don’t really. I mean how in the world could they? How can they possibly understand the hell you are going through? How can they understand what is happening in your mind when you’re having a hard time wrapping your head around it.
The sympathetic friend. The one who says they’re sorry for how you’re feeling.
The cheerful, uplifting friend. I probably hate this friend the most right now. This is the “everything will be okay” friend. The “you have to go back to work” friend, because “that’s life”. This is the suck-it-up-buttercup friend…you fucking suck it up asshole, you don’t know my life.
Then there’s the used to be my best friend, friend. This was your person, the person you could say any inappropriate, fucked up thought that crossed your mind to. This was the person that you would call or text during every mental breakdown. They’d listen to all your negativity, all your “crazy”, round and round thoughts. But they’ve finally had enough. I mean do you blame them? You’re pretty much sick of yourself too, but honestly you have zero control over it.
Then there’s all your other friends, the ones you hate because they get to be stay-at-home moms, or work from home moms, or they have a better car than you or can afford a vacation, or whatever psychotic reason you choose to hate them, because that’s just what your mind wants to do.
So, now you pretty much hate everyone and the ones you don’t hate you’ve pushed away. So now what? You sit alone with your thoughts, trying not to cry (again). Can you relate? Even just a little bit? Now you know you’re not alone.